Dealing with Disappointment

“Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance.” (Samuel Johnson)


Everyone has to deal with disappointment at some point in their lives. For some people this disappointment occurs on a world stage where it seems everyone is watching. For most of us mere mortals though it happens quietly and without fanfare and publicity.

Tom Slingsby was expected to win gold in the 2008 Olympics Laser class. Everyone from the selectors, the Australian Olympic Committee, the sports commentators and a legion of sailing fans knew that Tom had what it took to win gold in Beijing. But Tom didn’t win the gold medal, he came second. He was devastated, because he had spent the last eight years preparing for this Olympic event. He was so focused that it never entered his mind that he would not win gold. Slingsby spent many months trying to come to terms with his loss to Paul Goodison and in the end wrote down his thoughts and feelings in an account he called, “What Happened”. This was a significant turning point for Slingsby and his decision to work towards the 2012 Olympics.

Australian gold medal winner, Anna Meares is one of the most successful female track cyclists ever, winning the Olympic gold medal in the sprint after a 2-0 win against her English nemesis, Pendleton. Meares has been successful in the 500 m time trial, winning three world titles (2004, 2007, 2009), one Olympic title (2004) and two Commonwealth Games gold medals in 2006, and 2010. She also won two team sprint gold medals at the World Championships (2009-10), and won five silvers and five bronzes in all speed disciplines, including the sprint and keirin. Meares also gained two Olympic medals in the sprint, with silver in 2008 and bronze in 2004.

Anna Meares was a doubtful competitor for the 2008 Olympics though, after falling heavily from her bike in the January before the Games at the World Cup event in Los Angeles, fracturing her C2 vertebra as well as suffering other injuries. Meares went within a fraction of a centimetre of paralysis and yet in spite of this setback, she pulled herself through a torturous training regime to be ready for the 2008 Olympics; it was nothing short of a miracle.

Sometimes it is through such adversity, that people triumph most. As American writer Marsha Sinetar notes:

. “Burning desire to be or do something gives us staying power - a reason to get up every morning or to pick ourselves up and start in again after a disappointment. “

It was a sweet victory for both Slingsby and Meares to win a gold medal this week in the face of disappointments of the past Olympics, and in Meares’ case, in other cycling events during the London Olympics which she ‘bombed’. Had either of the athletes simply given in to their disappointment and not come back from the brink of leaving their beloved sports or competing for the Olympics again, they would not have savoured the glorious moments of victory in individual gold medals at this year’s Olympics.

It’s often difficult to see that in the moment of our greatest disappointment that good can come from such a bad situation. There are many lessons we learn through life that come from facing disappointments, failure and setbacks. Building resilience, tenacity and determination only come about through a desire to improve or succeed after a disappointment. The desire to overcome a past failure is indeed a powerful motivator towards changing patterns of behaviour, working harder and smarter and changing our perspective for the better.

Young people sometimes expect everything to fall into place and sometimes as a parent we want to protect our young people from disappointments of life. Yet talking through our son or daughter’s setback and helping them to see a way forward is a positive step towards building resilience and determination in our young boys and girls. We all learn through experience and particularly by experiencing defeat.

As author and psychologist ,Barton Goldsmith comments:

“Disappointment takes the wind out of your sails. You can sit, becalmed, in the middle of your regret, or you can choose to get out your paddle and start working your way to shore. Whether you end up on a deserted island or a tropical paradise I can’t say. But staying, where you will surely turn you into fish food, so the only real choice is to start rowing.”

So to all those who have suffered setbacks and disappointments, keep faith with your goals, dreams and aspirations, and continue to work steadfastly towards your ultimate goals. Perseverance and hard work is everything, when it comes to achieving success. There is rarely any success without some setback along the way. It’s what we do after the setback that determines our future success, whether it be in sport, music or academics. Determination and perseverance will win out in the end.

Karon Graham