There was a time.....

Parenting was never meant to be easy. Effective parenting takes tons of love, understanding, patience, empathy, sympathy, care, concern and firmness. Yes, firmness. Young people need boundaries and they need parents to be specific about what they can and can’t do. As someone who has three grown adult children and with over 30 years teaching young people, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to stay firm on matters of principle, moral standards, discipline and boundaries. It’s not easy and I would be the first person to admit this!
Parents are subjected to relentless pressure to give in to their children’s demands and threats. This pressure comes not only from their own children but also from family friends, other people’s children, mass advertising on television, music video clips on Saturday morning television, movies, radio shock jocks, the internet, social networking like Facebook and msn; the list is endless. The barrage and onslaught can overwhelm even the hardiest of parents.
Don’t get me wrong, I see the positives of some of these media too, but let’s face it, somewhere over recent years, momentum has swung away from the adults and parents at home and moved more towards appealing to and satisfying the needs of youth. It’s not surprising then, that young people can have an overstated opinion of their place in the world, in the scheme of things and even in the home.
Values and standards are by no means sacrosanct, yes they do change over time, but over the last twenty years there has been a worrying trend. Some battle weary parents, or parents who don’t even try to make a stand, take the line of least resistance in dealing with issues of good behaviour, appropriate standards, and boundaries. Some parents find it difficult to simply say ‘no’ to their children – ‘anything for a quiet life’ seems to be the unwritten law of the household.
There was a time:
• When parents were in charge of what happened at home
• When denying a child some material possession or ticket to an event was seen as an opportunity to teach frugality and discrimination;
• When not having or doing what everybody else was having or doing was seen as a good thing;
• When a consequence at school was followed by a consequences at home, and the teacher was always right. (Educators tell us that it is rare when a parent thanks a school administrator for imposing discipline or punishment);
• When a child would not dare to scream and shout at a parent with impunity.
As parents at CCS, you have made a deliberate choice to send your sons and daughters here for nurturing, excellence in learning opportunities and for the values, moral and ethical standards, good manners which we believe will better prepare them for the future.
At CCS we know each child well and work with you the parents to bring about the best possible outcomes for every single student. This means that we have very fair and firm expectations for all students and we do have consequences for those students who do not meet our expectations. We need your support in ensuring that the same values and standards at our school are your expectations at home.
Please contact us if you are concerned about any pressure that your son or daughter might be expressing about ‘what everyone else is doing, and why can’t they do it too.’ We will work with all parents and support you in ensuring that your son and daughter understand fair and reasonable expectations and the right of the parent to make the decision, not the child.
I give you the commitment that we, as a school community, will work with parents to instil values of good character in your son or daughter. Yes, I agree with you, effective parenting is not easy, but I ask all parents to consider the following:
• Who makes the decisions in your household?
• Are you consistent and fair in your expectations of your son or daughter?
• Are you making decisions for the right reasons or are you being worn down by constant arguments and upsets?
• Do you discuss the reasons for your decision?
Noted psychiatrist Jung once said:
If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
(~C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939)