Friendships and Friends

“A friend is somebody you need bad, and sometimes he is very busy but he helps you anyway. A friend is somebody who likes me and I like them back. You could be friends for a long time, like twenty weeks.”
(A 9 year old boy’s explanation of what a friend is to him.)

Anita Gurian, noted psychologist recently wrote an excellent article: “Friends and Friendships” about the meanings of friendships. It’s interesting to read how young children’s perception of friendship changes over time. Gurian comments that at four years of age, children define a friend as someone who happens to be near them or whose toys they like. Five year olds and six year olds, she explains, focus on their own needs. They begin to realise that someone else may have a different point of view, but they don’t realise that friendship is an ongoing process.

By age 9 and 10, children see that friendships are an ongoing collaboration that allows them to see the other person’s point of view, share feelings, help each other and show interest in each other’s activities but may exclude others. At this age, children are also less reliant on the security of family and they form ties with their peers. From 12 years of age, teenagers recognize and value the complexity of human relationships. This change is evident from a 12 year old girl’s quote about her friend:

“We understand we’re both individuals and have different feelings about things. No matter how stupid my ideas are, like when I’m working on a project, my friend still listens and she doesn’t tease me about it. You take a chance with a good friend; you can’t be mad at her when she goes out with other friends too.”

Not all teenagers are as understanding as this young girl and often changing friendships become a source of conflict and misery for teenagers, particularly if they feel they are being excluded by a ‘friend’ or from a group of friends. There is a great deal written about bullying behaviours and young people are very quick to make judgments about bullying behaviours these days. However, sometimes it’s not so much about bullying behaviour, as much as a fear of rejection and a lack of confidence in a young person that causes them to struggle socially with other children. As one psychologist points out:

“Confidence, most would agree, makes social life a lot smoother. It also makes it a lot safer too.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that some young people do not exhibit bullying behaviours, but it seems to me that many people use the word ‘bullying’, when in reality they are talking about a falling out of two or more friends; there is a difference. Bullying behaviours are persistent and relentless behaviours, designed to demoralise and demean another person either physically or verbally.

A lack of social skills, on the other hand, can result in some form of rejection or difficulty in making and keeping friends. The point being, that the friends are not being ‘bullies’, they are exhibiting normal relationship behaviour, where friendships change and are like shifting sands of allegiance. Friends fall into and out of friendship for no particular reason – sometimes justified and in other cases not.

We now know, from extensive research carried out by the National Institute of Health in the 1990s, that our brains undergo a massive reorganisation between our 12th and 25th years. According to a recent article: “The New Science of the Teenage Brain” in the “National Geographic”, (October 2011 issue), the brain doesn’t grow very much (it’s already 90% of its full size) but the brain undergoes extensive remodelling, resembling a network and wiring upgrade.

This process of maturation, once thought to be finished by elementary school continues throughout adolescence. Stronger links also develop between the hippocampus, a sort of memory directory, and frontal areas that set goals and weigh different agendas; as a result, we get better at integrating memory and experience into our decisions. According to Dobbs, these connections allow us to generate and weigh up far more variables and agendas than before.

This development of the brain, allows us to get better at balancing impulse, desire, goals, self-interest, rules, and ethics, generating behaviour that is more complex and sometimes, (not as often as most parents would hope for but none-the-less), more sensible. Psychologists tell us that excitement, novelty, risk taking and the company of peers does add up to doing foolish new stuff with friends, however; on the flipside, these same traits define adolescence make us more adaptive as human beings.

Parents can help young children develop better social skills and in turn help your son or daughter develop more self-confidence. Building greater resilience is also crucial at this developmental stage and parents can best do this by allowing your child to try and resolve an issue with a friend without the parent intervening. If your child asks for help, then of course it is appropriate to sit down, listen to the problem and help your son or daughter develop appropriate strategies. Young children may need to practise saying the right words to communicate to another child how they are feeling and parents can certainly help in this regard.

Research shows that those children with the most confidence, adept social skills and good behaviour will make more friends and keep more friends. Some suggestions and tips to give your son or daughter for making good friends, by psychologist Dr Angela Wilson:

· Smile when you see a person you know or recognize.
· Use a person’s name when talking to him or her.
· Ask friends for their phone number(s) so you can telephone them and their e-mail address so you can message them.
· Find out what they like and talk to them about things that interest them.
· Ask them about their favourite piece of music or a favourite book they have read or their favourite sport or their favourite place.
· Be interested in the other person.
· Discover things you may share in common, like playing handball.
· Talk a little about yourself, but do not talk about very personal things until you have known the person for some time.
· Remember, you have to make an effort and put out the hand of friendship.
· Make sure you do what you have said you will do – always keep your promise.
· Be prepared to admit when you are wrong.
· Say sorry if you think you may have hurt someone’s feelings.
· Be prepared to laugh with your friends at yourself when you do or say something unusual or silly. Say something like “Oops, silly me!”
· Remember that most friends are just like you. They may forget to do things or they may forget to ring you. Nobody is perfect. Be forgiving.

There is a PowerPoint presentation on “What it is to be a good friend” on my blog that I used on Assembly this week; parents may wish to view this presentation and discuss it with your son or daughter.

“Being a good friend is a twenty-four-hour job.” (Jill, age 14) How true!

Karon Graham

What does it mean to be a good friend?

Helping Students Learn

“Helping students learn is the key to better results” read the headline in last weekend’s The Weekend Australian (February 18-19, 2012). Now while you may be thinking that this is a self-evident truth, there is a lot more than meets the eye in helping students learn.

The research indicates that improving learning through assessment depends on five, deceptively simple, key factors:

• the provision of effective feedback to pupils;
• the active involvement of pupils in their own learning;
• adjusting teaching to take account of the results of assessment;
• a recognition of the profound influence assessment has on the motivation
and self-esteem of pupils, both of which are crucial influences on learning;
• the need for pupils to be able to assess themselves and understand how to
improve.
(Black, P. & Wiliam, D. 1999. Assessment for Learning: Beyond the Black Box, Assessment Reform Group, University of Cambridge, School of Education)

Arguments abound as to why certain countries outperform all other countries in measures of reading, mathematics and science. Some point to the amount of government expenditure on education and one would logically think that those countries that spend more on education would have higher results on international testing such as Program for International Student Assessment (PISA). The facts tell a different story though.

In 2001 Hong Kong students were ranked 17th in international reading tests among Year 4 students and Singapore ranked 15th. Both of these countries undertook significant reforms to the teaching and learning programs for reading and after five years, Hong Kong was ranked second and Singapore 4th. South Korea also made significant gains, while Australia slipped in the rankings for PISA testing of 15 year old students and is ranked 9th.

Interestingly, it is not the amount of money spent that has brought about radical improvements in some countries and decline in others, it’s more a reflection of the quality of teaching and learning programs than the dollar value per student spent. South Korea spends less per student than any other country ($US7430) per secondary student compared with $US9000 in Australia. The United States of America ranks 4th in the per capita expenditure on education, $US 12,000, but is well down on the PISA rankings, languishing at 17th place for reading, 23rd place in science and 31st place in mathematics.

So which countries/ city regions are at the top of PISA (2009) rankings? Shanghai, China is ranked top in reading, mathematics and science. The other countries in the mix of positions in the top five for reading, mathematics and science are: South Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore, Ontario, Canada and Finland. Why have these countries or regions outperformed their OECD counterparts like Australia, New Zealand, UK and USA?

There are a number of factors that have contributed to these improved and in some cases, skyrocketing results in PISA. In a nutshell, these countries and regions have focussed policies and expenditure in those areas that have proven to improve teaching and learning where it counts the most – in the classroom. Shanghai, Singapore, Ontario have all undertaken extensive reforms in teacher training, where the focus has been on improving practical skills in the classroom, setting goals, giving specific feedback and teacher mastery of pedagogy.

Other reforms in these regions have centred on school leadership, mentoring programs for teachers and a career structure that keeps the best teachers in the classroom rather than advancement through school leadership. Also most significantly, there is a greater emphasis on classroom observations and research conducted by teachers themselves, on those practices that yield the best student outcomes. In other words, teachers become researchers honing skills and sharing with colleagues the best teaching practices that have yielded significant improvements in students’ test scores in reading, mathematics and science.

Students learn best when they have clear learning objectives and goals and when they receive specific feedback about how they can improve their learning. In his outstanding book, "Visible Learning: A synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to achievement", John Hattie brings all of the relevant research together in a profoundly revealing analysis of what really works in improving student achievement. To simply list the top strategies or techniques that see the greatest improvement in student achievement does not do justice to Hattie's conclusions, but like all educators, we want to know the evidence of what really works. I recommend that all teachers take the time to read this excellent book, which gives far greater analysis to each of the contributing factors improving visible student learning.

There is no one single factor that contributes to improved student learning, what Hattie calls visible teaching and visible learning. In fact, Hattie divides his analysis by the contribution from each of the following domains:

• the student




• the home
  



• the school
  



• the teacher and
  



• the curricular.

The student, not surprisingly has the greatest influence in visible learning through the self-report grades and Piagetian programs. As far as the teaching and learning is concerned, the following is attributed to the greatest size effect on visible learning:

• providing formative evaluation (teaching) - size effect (d) 0.90




• micro teaching teacher) d = 0.88




• acceleration through year levels (school) d = 0.88




• classroom behavioural environment (school) d = 0.80




• comprehensive intervention for learning disabled d = 0.77




• teacher clarity (teacher) d = 0.75




• reciprocal teaching (teaching) d = 0.74




• feedback (teaching) d = 0.73




• teacher-student relationships (teacher) d = 0.72




• meta-cognitive strategies (teaching) d = 0.69
  



• prior achievement (student) d = 0.67




• vocabulary programs (curricula) d = 0.67




• repeated reading programs (curricula) d = 0.67




• creativity programs (curricula) d= 0.65




• self-verbalisation/self questioning) (teaching) d = 0.64




• professional development (teacher) d = 0.62




• problem solving teaching (teaching) d = 0.61




• not labelling students (teacher) d = 0.6
  

At the other extreme are factors whcih have a negative impact on visible learning. The lowest ranking of 138 factors were: retention (school) d = -0.16; television (home) d = -0.18 and the very lowest ranking was mobility d = -0.34 .

(n.b. the effect size (d) = 1.0 indicates an increase of one standard deviation on the outcome -improving school achievement. a one standard deviation increase is typically associated with advancing children's achievement by two to three years, improving the rate of learning by 50%. When implementing a new program, an effect size of 1.0 would mean that, on average, students receiveing that program would exceed 84% of students not receiving that treatment.)

The research conducted by Hattie, coupled with the initiatives and reforms that many countries and provinces are putting into place are certainly making a difference to student learning. It is up to each educator now, and each school to take the very best research showing what works in improving student achievement and to put this into place within the classroom and the school. Teachers make a difference and contribute significantly to how students learn and how effectively they learn.

As the research shows:


The best teachers constantly monitor what is happening to students as they set about learning and investigate when things do not proceed as planned or expected. They also enquire their own practice so they might get better at ensuring that their students learn successfully. (Demos 2004. About learning, Report of the Learning Working Group, Demos, London)


Karon Graham

Is your brain changing for the better?

...The brain can be improved so that we learn and perceive with greater precision, speed, and retention. ... we can also change the very structure of the brain itself and increase its capacity to learn. Unlike a computer, the brain is constantly adapting itself. (Doidge 48)

It’s funny how our preconceived notions of our own intelligence, (whether we think we are smart or not), or how easily we learn, or how well we remember facts and figures can colour our perception of our own intellect.

Our brain is not fixed in time though, rather, it is a living organism that changes – it grows and shrinks over time. What we do and think can influence how our brain changes. Recent research like that recounted in Dr Norman Doidge’s book, “The Brain That Changes Itself”, demonstrates that we can change the structure of our brains quite significantly. Doidge notes that:

..thinking, learning, and acting can turn our genes on or off, thus shaping our brain anatomy and our behaviour.

In past years, there was much rhetoric about the need to study and work harder to improve our minds and while there would be few educators that would disagree with this, there is also a growing body of evidence which suggests that more active children and adults can improve many aspects of learning, memory and intellect.

Because it is a 'use it or lose it' brain, when we develop a map area [in the brain], we long to keep it activated. Just as our muscles become impatient for exercise if we've been sitting all day...

Doidge maintains that exercise is the only activity that is responsible for increasing the production, conductivity and connectivity of neurons in the brain. In simple terms, this means that we can influence our mental capacity and health through regular exercise.

There is a raft of research that shows the benefits of exercise and sport on reducing symptoms of depression, builds self-esteem and body image. According to Doidge:

As little as three hours a week of brisk walking has been shown to halt, and even reverse, the brain atrophy (shrinkage) that starts in a person’s forties, especially in the regions responsible for memory and higher cognition. Exercise increases the brain’s volume of gray matter (actual neurons) and white matter (connections between neurons).

Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins within approximately 30 minutes from the start of activity. According to M K McGovern, these endorphins tend to minimize the discomfort of exercise and are even associated with a feeling of euphoria. There is some uncertainty around the cause of this euphoria since it's not clear if endorphins are directly responsible for it, or if they just block pain and allow the pleasure associated with neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine to be more apparent. This aside, there is no denying that the ‘endorphin rush’ after vigorous exercise helps many of us feel better both mentally and physically. Despite the possible tiring effects of the physical effort, we usually end up feeling re-energised (quite the reverse of what logic might tell us).

Even improvement in memory can be attributed to exercise. As reported in the “New York Times”, a recent study conducted in Ireland on sedentary male college students resulted in improved memory after strenuous exercise.

First, the young men watched a rapid-fire lineup of photos with the faces and names of strangers. After a break, they tried to recall the names they had just seen as the photos again zipped across a computer screen. Afterward, half of the students rode a stationary bicycle, at an increasingly strenuous pace, until they were exhausted. The others sat quietly for 30 minutes. Then both groups took the brain-teaser test again. Notably, the exercised volunteers performed significantly better on the memory test than they had on their first try, while the volunteers who had rested did not improve.

Even in the elderly, improvements in health and mental acumen can be attributed directly to exercise. A number of studies recently completed on the elderly have shown that if people exercise about 30 minutes a day, three times a week that the probability of developing Alzheimer’s disease is significantly lowered, even in those people who are genetically predisposed to Alzheimer’s.

There are lessons in this research for all of us – the young and the old. Most people will benefit from increased physical activity in improved health and mental wellbeing. Doidge comments that the best defences against chronic stress are physical exercise, relaxation, self-empowerment, and cultivating social networks.

Leadership and Service to Others

The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself in the service of others.
(Mahatma Gandhi)

Who are the great leaders of our time? Some of us might immediately imagine charismatic people who are powerful, people who travel the country or the world spreading important messages, or people who shape the world’s history through their own force of character and gravitas.

Iconic leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Dr Martin Luther King Junior, Mother Teresa, and the Dalai Lama embody many of the defining qualities of a great leader – people with vision, integrity, strong moral purpose, a judicious sense of social justice and a willingness to sacrifice everything to serve others first.

Regardless of race, region or religion, these leaders have stood the test of time in respect to these leadership qualities. They have transformed the hearts and minds of millions of people for the better and transformed whole nations’ attitudes and beliefs because of their unwavering commitment to the betterment of others less fortunate, downtrodden and disenfranchised.

Albert Einstein once opined:
Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.

Good leadership cannot be defined by a person’s status, station or title in life. For many years to come, Captain Francesco Schettino of the ill-fated cruise ship Costa Concordia will serve as a cautionary tale of poor leadership and ‘what not to do’ in a time of crisis. Images of the tilted, half-sunken luxurious cruise ship will stay in the collective minds of people around the world for many years to come. Abandoning the cruise ship before his passengers, refusing to return to the vessel to help others and his cavalier attitude has made this captain one of the most disgraced and despised people of this century.

In contrast, Dame Elisabeth Murdoch, who turned a grand 103 this week, is a person who has dedicated her life to helping others – not just through her generous philanthropic work – supporting over a hundred charities - but also through her work (in her younger years) in hospitals, respite centres and a myriad of organisations by giving freely of her time, energy and resources.

Dame Elisabeth tells the story of how as a young girl she visited a hospital and was so moved by the children there that she returned regularly as a volunteer. This experience was a defining moment that changed her life forever. Dame Elisabeth set about working with the less fortunate and disadvantaged all of her life. Her extraordinary charity work earned her the Victorian of the Year award in 2005 at the age of 96; this alone speaks volumes about Dame Elisabeth’s commitment and service to others. Dame Elisabeth has made a life by helping others and probably shares Gandhi’s perspective on service:

Consciously or unconsciously, every one of us does render some service or other. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger, and will make, not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large.

The challenge for all of us is to find a way to help and serve others. We don’t set out to do this to become a leader or someone famous, rather we set out to help others because by helping others, we help ourselves. How? We grow in wisdom and understanding when we stand in the shoes of others for a while. I have a good friend whose mother use to say, "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back very quickly."

I ask only, that each of us consider, how we might best serve those around us and determine to do so to the best of our ability always.

If you want to be important, wonderful.
If you want to be recognized, wonderful.
If you want to be great, wonderful!
But recognize that he [or she] who is greatest among you is your servant.
That’s the new definition of greatness. …what I like about it is that by giving it the definition of greatness, it means everybody can be great because everyone can serve.
You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.
You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.
You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve.
You don’t have to know about Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to serve.
You don’t have to know the Second Theory of Thermodynamics in Physics to serve!
You only need a heart full of grace.
A soul generated by love. You can be that servant.
(Dr Martin Luther King Junior, Excerpt from “The Drum Major Instinct”.)

As a servant and a willingness to serve others, oh what a great leader you can be too!

Karon Graham