Where would we be without friends? For most people, life is made all the more bearable because of friends. Sharing time with someone is a sure fire way to build up a friendship, particularly when we are good listeners. Sharing stories, sharing little snippets of our life, revealing our ‘real’ self to another person requires a ‘leap of faith’. How will someone react when we tell them about a problem worrying us, or sharing a secret that we have kept to ourselves? Fair weather friends may dessert us in times like this, but good friends stick by us until the end. How do we know if it’s the end? If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.Good friends don’t give advice unless we ask for it. Good friends listen more than they talk. Good friends know when to stay silent and when to speak up. Good friends don’t make value judgements about your life choices. Good friends, as someone famously said, walk in when others walk out. Elbert Hubbard, author, artist and philosopher, humourously put it this way:
“The friend is the person
Who knows all about you,
And still likes you. "
Good friends are there when we need them most; they are there on our doorstep when tragedy strikes; they stand by us through thick and thin, particularly when our world is turned upside down. The amazing thing about good friends is that they really don’t need to say or do very much at all. Just being there to listen to what has happened can be the greatest comfort of all. Famous philosopher and author, Henry David Thoreau wrote:
“The language of
Friendship is not words, but Meanings.
It is an intelligence
Above language.”
Good friends show kindness, above and beyond the call of duty and often it’s not in grand gestures but in simple acts of kindness that we appreciate the most. Helping out by making a few frozen meals when a friend has a new baby to care for or offering to pick up our friend’s children from school when they are caught late at work. Friends help smooth out the ‘bumps’ in our lives and ease our burdens and bring greater happiness because they are there for us when we need them most.
One of our parents recently had a very distressing situation, her husband was away and she was confronted by a very agitated and menacing man at her front door. It was a frightening situation and one that was so unexpected in the local area where she lives. Within days, she had received many phone calls, emails and kind words from many of the parents at CCPS. She told me later that she was quite overwhelmed by the kindness and thoughtfulness of her friends and families of CCPS. It made a huge difference to her psychologically to have that kind of support from the school community and she wants to say thank you to all of those friends.
Some friendships happen spontaneously, as if there is an instant recognition of a like mind or personality; there is a connection that transcends time and place. Hard to explain the feeling and explain why this happens but I ‘m sure there are many experts out there who swear that we connect to people because of their face shapes, or pheromones or personality type or some other chemical or physical attribute. Surprisingly, these friendships are often the most enduring.
Mark Nepo writes in “The Book of Awakening” (no this is not a book about coming out of a coma, rather it is a collection of thought provoking quotes and stories which are motivating and inspiring) about a verse written in the 700s in the Tang Dynasty in China by the great poet Li Po. In the famous poem: “Letter in Exile”, Li Po talks about his deep, lifelong friendship with So-Kin of Rakuyo and he explains that even though they have only been together a handful of times, Li Po feels his friend’s presence even from afar. He eloquently writes:
“What is the use of talking, and there is no end of talking.
There is no end of things in the heart.”
Nepo questions how it‘s possible for two friends who have spent more time apart than together can be such close friends? Yes, life is a mystery in matters of the heart. In spite of so much time apart, another person, who we rarely see, can still shape one’s entire life. We are very fortunate if we are blessed by such friends, I know my life has been all the richer because of distant friends.
There is something about travelling to a new country that awakens within us a new perspective on life; it broadens our horizons literally and metaphorically. People we meet overseas are probably no different from the people we meet in our daily lives at home but it seems to me, that when you travel with someone away from home or meet new people overseas, we tend to bond more strongly with them. In some ways I think it happens because we realise that we may never have this opportunity again. Our new found friends become all the more precious because we know that what we share in those brief moments of contact or passage of time, we may never experience again.
With such amazing adventures of new worlds, new cultures, new friends in store for our young people, it is no surprise that lives are altered forever by the experience. At a higher level I agree with Woodrow Wilson who opined:
“Friendship is the only cement that will
Ever hold the world together.”
The challenge for each of us in life is to care for and tend to our friends like we would a garden. We have to pull out the weeds, the hurtful words spoken in haste; nourish the friendship frequently with kindness and thoughtfulness. If we can do all of this, then the friendship will blossom and grow over time and with such strong roots this precious friendship will help us and sustain us, all of our lives.
“True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
And must undergo and withstand the
Shocks of adversity before it
Is entitled to the appellation.”
(George Washington)
Portrait of a Friend
(author unknown)
I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts or fears.
But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.
I can't change your past with all its headaches and pain, nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your joy and laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship or from your values.
I can only pray for you, and talk to you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you.
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting.
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
I promise to try to do all of these things and be the best friend I can be for now.
Karon Graham
Principal CCPS
